Review of Fallen by Lauren Kate

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Okay, I knew this book was going to be bad. That’s the entire reason I picked it up really; for this review series I am doing. The trouble is, Fallen tried to trick me. It very nearly fooled me into thinking it was going to be a decent book, because it opened with some semi-decent writing (cliché as fuck, though).

You know what I mean; it had intrigue, words were spelled correctly, it didn’t introduce a heroine I immediately connected with via my fist and her face. The acceptable prose showed promise. The fact that the book takes place in a mental hospital instead of an American high school was, I thought, an excellent change of pace; surely this book was going to be different, right?

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Anyone who has read my review of Hush, Hush will know that I am not so easily fooled any more.

Fallen was one of those books that was so mind-numbingly dull it was almost impressive. I think Lauren Kate should get a medal for possessing such pure and unfiltered idiocy that she could take concepts such as mental institutions, fallen angels and past lives and actually shit out a boring book. No, not just boring. It was so tedious, so stale, that I actually fell asleep reading it. I have never done that in my entire life.

Let me try and express to you how bad this book was without getting into the spoilery details.

Fallen introduces what is probably the most lifeless protagonist in the history of ever. Did you think Bella Swan was bad? Oh she was, but that Mary Sue at least felt the occasional emotion. At least she expressed an interest in something other than Edward Cullen. True, there were only two things (Wuthering Heights and Jacob Black), but that’s still two points more than Lucinda Price.

The book opens with Luce enrolling at the Sword & Cross school, which is a reform establishment for children who are deemed to be a danger to society. Luce is sent there because she is accused of setting a house on fire and murdering her boyfriend. With a bio like that Luce has no right to be a boring character, especially when you consider that Lauren Kate is perfectly capable of writing characters with a personality. Luce’s friend Arriane is the main example. She’s self-certified insane and irritating as hell, but still a million times more interesting to read about than our protagonist. Luce’s love interest, Daniel, also has a personality. Okay, it’s the personality of a broody dick, but it’s a personality.

That’s another thing: the love story. I hate insta-love. Hate it with a passion. I’ve given Fallen extra points because the insta-love is kind of explained away, so it’s not quite as bad. But there is no excuse for 400-odd pages of Lucinda Price obsessing over a boy she hardly knows who has done nothing but act like a complete knob. She is absolutely pathetic, and it is an insult to the reader’s intelligence that they have to read nothing but Luce’s thoughts about his beauty, her feeling towards him, her stalking antics, her high-school crap for 80% of the novel.

“It had always annoyed Luce when smart girls pretended they weren’t into something just because they assumed that was what a guy would want to hear. But Luce was not pretending; it really had been torture.
“Good,” Daniel said, seeming pleased.
“You hated it, too?”
“No,” he said cryptically, and Luce now wished she’d lied to sound more interested than she actually was.”

This quote pretty much sums up the novel. It’s about 400 pages of this crap, interspersed with some actual plot, which could have been so good if it hadn’t been so poorly executed.

In the end, I almost laughed when the story’s villain actually completely summed up Luce’s entire personality in one sentence:

“In this lifetime you are nothing more than you appear to be: a stupid, selfish, ignorant, spoiled little girl who thinks the world lives or dies on whether she gets to go out with some good-looking boy at school.”

Have never rooted for a villain more than in that moment.

I thought long and hard whether I wanted to continue reading the Fallen books for my new book review series. God knows I have a masochistic need to review terrible literature. But in the end it all boiled down to whether I wanted to submit myself to the continuous drivel of a teenage girl who’s only purpose in life is to love and be loved by a dickhead. Oh and there’s some paranormal occurences with fallen angels, but Luce doesn’t give much of a shit about that; it’s all about the lurrrrve.
So do I want to keep reading?

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Here, as always, are some choice snippets from people who enjoyed this piece of crap.

“seriously the people saying this book is crap need to get over themselves. if you think this book is crap, what do you think is good????”

“I rated this book all five stars because it made me feel emotion when I was reading it”

“Don’t compare Fallen to Twilight, because Fallen has got a lot more logic, sense and originality than Twilight will ever have.”

“Sometimes it got a little too “wordy” for my taste.”

“Oh. My. Goodness. This book is seriously one of the most AMAZING books I have read!!! I’m not usually all that in for books they aren’t written in first person because I don’t really think you can “feel” what the main character feels unless it’s written from their point of view.”

“Daniel and Luce: he is amazing n she is annoying, but lovable annoying cause everyone keeps her in the dark. Its got history n a seriously thick back story. I read this again before reading book 2 cause boy was i confused lol 🙂 Fallen angels… *SWOONS*”

“But when Luce met Daniel I was like !@#$%^&* He’s so gorgeous than Justin Bieber! I love when they spend sweet moments together and I found it really funny when Daniel takes Luce somewhere and all of a sudden, he leaves her out of nowhere.”

“Please Don’t Hurt Me But I Loved This Book So Much.”

This review also appears on Goodreads.

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