Listicle / Tess Has Opinions

Disney Princesses have as much of a right as you to procreate (Part 2)

description

A while back, an article was published called Why Disney Princesses would make terrible mothers. While the article was no doubt intended to ruffle a few feathers, needless to say I, and some of my friends, hit the Goddamn roof. It would be a different matter if the arguments in the article had any weight to them, but this nameless entity who wrote this piece of shit had absolutely nothing to work with, and therefore grasped onto the most pitiful semblance of potential reason in order to spew out this hunk of crap.

So I thought I’d dissect it, and tell you exactly why Disney Princesses have just as much of a chance of being fantastic parents as the idiot who criticized them.

This is Part 2! Check out Part 1.

#5 – Anna

“Anna from ‘Frozen’ would be a total embarrassment to her children […] because she’s so awkward and dorky! People like that can make fun parents at home, but in the light of day — and in front of their kids’ friends — they’re nothing if not super embarrassing.”


*Le sigh* – you could be a freaking rock star and you’d still embarrass your kids. That’s part of the parent job description. Anna’s adorkableness has nothing to do with her ability to raise a child right.  And boo to you if you think that’s a negative personality trait.

#4 – Jasmine

Jasmine would be an atrocious mother, and here’s why:

  • She keeps a live tiger in the house as a pet. Who does that?!
  • She’ll believe any lie in the book, so her kids could easily manipulate her.
  • She’s been spoiled by her daddy throughout her entire life, so get ready for some more spoiled, entitled rich kids!
  • She uses her sexy, womanly physique to seduce even the most vile of men (see: Jafar). Bad role model alert! Take a legitimate self-defense class, Missy.”


Okay so this one actually has some weight to it. Raja, you have to go, I don’t care if you’re house trained, you are a flipping tiger and the palace needs baby-proofing. And yes it’s true that Jasmine, along with every other fucker in Agrabah fell for Aladdin’s prince trick – but she was also the one who blew the lid on the whole operation. Her kids will damn well not be spoiled – you could make the same argument for every other freaking Disney Princess’s kid – they are all royalty! If anything, Jasmine’s kids are the least likely to be spoiled. Daddy Aladdin spent his whole life as a street rat, he’ll be right there to teach his kids the importance of managing your finances. And so what if she seduced Jafar? She took the opportunity to exploit a misogynist culture in order to try and save her people from Jafar’s rule. Excellent role model, thank you.

#3 – Merida

“Why would Merida be a bad mom? Because she has no interest in settling down and having kids. That’s it. Any kids she would have would be unwanted, which is never a good thing for a child.”


Hey? You know why Merida doesn’t want kids? Because she’s a fucking child. In this day and age we actually encourage 16-year-olds to stay child-less for a little bit, we don’t assume they’ll be bad mothers because they’re not usually old enough to embrace the idea of parenthood!

#2 – Giselle

“Okay, yes, you’re right; Giselle did make a pretty convincing case in ‘Enchanted’ that she would be an excellent maternal figure. After all, Morgan took quite a liking to her! But just think of all of the dangerous messages she would impart on a little girl:

  • It’s okay to marry someone you just met, because it’s true love.
  • Looking pretty and making boys like you is the most important thing to focus on in life.
  • If you’re ever in trouble, don’t worry, because Prince Charming will come and rescue you.
  • Cutting up nice curtains and turning them into new outfits is perfectly acceptable.
  • All boys can be trusted, no matter what, because everyone is good, and all they want to do is kiss you.”


True, if this was real life Giselle impart some iffy nonsense on her kids. But let’s not forget that she comes from Andalasia, a fairy-tale 2D land where princes rescue damsels and the only one to look out for is your token evil stepmother. Obviously she needs to adapt to life in our world, but she’s perfectly capable of doing so while still retaining all of the wonderful qualities that make Giselle, Giselle.
And cutting up curtains for outfits is perfectly acceptable. If Julie Andrews can do it, so can we all.

#1 – Elsa

“Lastly, we come to Elsa, the older sister of Anna from Disney’s ‘Frozen.’ Considering that Elsa’s powers to create ice and snow nearly killed Anna as a child, it should be fairly obvious why it would be dangerous for her to become a mother.
Because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone she loves, she isolates herself from everyone, which would basically mean that she would abandon her own children. Sure, it would keep them safe, but they’d get some serious abandonment issues out of the deal. No child should have to go through that!”

I will hereby present all the ways in which this is wrong. *Ahem*. The entire movie goes through Elsa’s attempts to control her powers, how accidents happen, and how everything was fixed without anyone getting hurt. In the end, Elsa learns that the key to her powers is love. By loving herself, loving others, and accepting the love of others, she can control her powers; and with a new baby, wouldn’t Elsa just be the most loved-up version of herself she could ever be?

Speaking of love, the person who wrote the original article clearly wasn’t capable of feeling it. It was one of the most bullshit articles I have ever read, and you probably could have guessed since it took me two blog posts to respond to it. Disney princesses can be criticised for many things, but the logic behind why they’re supposedly terrible mother material is just pathetic. And you can be damned sure I’ll defend my childhood heroes. Even Snow White. And I can’t stand that pointless tool.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Disney Princesses have as much of a right as you to procreate (Part 2)

  1. Yeah, Merida is pretty much my favorite and she has the right to decide that she doesn’t want kids, especially since as you said, she’s STILL A CHILD. She’s also the best, so if she DID decide to have kids, she’d kind of be the best at it. End of story. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

Talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s